Book Discussion|| On Becoming By Toke Makinwa

Hey there!!! A lot of controversy has been flying around one of the said best selling book “On Becoming” by Toke Makinwa which I have read twice.  “On Becoming” portrays the life of Toke Makinwa from a rough childhood journeying through the freedom that university offers down to the woman she is today.  

A must tell

Amazing prologue, from start to finish. Makes one question his/her purpose and the chapter by chapter quotes the book has is top notch * I couldn’t even pick a fav as they all had a lesson in them*.  Going to the controversies where gender equality is one as the book is centered on Toke Makinwa’s life moments with no sparing deets to her martial issues written by her. Others say “too much information” which should be private was shared. Others say it’s “a pit she dug herself into” based on the fact that she knew her relationship was not on a solid foundation yet she felt and believed “getting the ring” would change everything. The least of the controversy is the use of real name characters.  I would be sharing some lines that got to me and my take on it as well as some quotes.

“The pain started years ago, but I’d lived with it for so long at that point, I had accepted it as an inevitable part of me.” 

– Ashley D. Wallies

  • “You’re the wife, she’s the girlfriend. It’s
    high time you started behaving like my wife; she’s just a girl.” Funny how it sounds and happens but most women are being told to accept cheating as a man’s way of life backed with the popular saying “All men are scum” What’s your take on such statement???

” Innocence eroded into nightmare.
All because of very bad touch.
Love, corrupted” – Ellen Hopkins, Fallout 

  • It read: I miss
    you and I cannot deny or hide it, come back to me. 
  • Maje and I had only
    just gotten back together. I was enjoying us; please, God, what had
    happened again? Before I could find my voice, she said, “Maje is in Abuja..
  • I broke up with Maje. But I still loved him and I hated myself for
    not having the strength to move on…
  • I remember
    his mum praying for me, saying that God would give me my own
    husband, and I found this odd as I was dating her son.

All in all was a wall of trust issues, voices of people saying “it can’t work out” to crown it all it seems there was no assurance from her man that she got the relationship wholly body and mind a 💯 . 

Toke wraps up the twisting plot with these words ” I wasn’t a virtuous woman; I was a girl!
A girl with a daddy-void so large that she had laid all of her issues and expectations on a man who was still trying to discover his purpose.  He’d needed a partner but got a housemate”  

*deep breath* I am not a relationship expert or love doc and I am single as of now, I believe and agree that being in a relationship should be all about happiness, not just for the man/woman but for both together. One person can’t be sane and the other not and expect things to go smoothly for we all have our shortcomings and flaws beautifully wrapped in us. There’s a difference feeding your man’s ego and deceiving your man. It’s bad how women, I say women because more often than not “we” bear the thoughts of being single because of the ovulation clock ticking and are brought up with the ideology that after it all what really matters is the ring/husband/Mrs title. Toke Makinwa’s story is one that happens to a good number of individuals, cheating to lies to deceit, the list goes on. 

What’s your take on the controversies? How much is too much emotional baggage for you?? What’s the deal breaker for you in relationships. Have you envisioned your relationship to go South and it goes north, what steps did you take??? Do please share your thoughts as you may just inspire someone 🌼

    8 Comments Add yours

    1. Stalker says:

      Amazing post … Accompanied with absolute good choice of diction and words also noticeable is the choice of quotes used to season this post but also noticeable is the “new age” most overused topic which is gender equality or I’d rather say women equality … Thing is I believe we’ve all got our demons and toke met one demon she couldn’t handle … Whatever happened between her and her husband before her book dedication to him *sike* must have really hurt her pretty much but I gotta point out this tiny details … Men hurt too … It’s a general belief that guys are super bricked that the only emotion most project is when they break a lady’s heart …
      In my own world I simply think it’s a balanced scale but you would hardly see a guy get sad or sulky cos he got the break up… Rather he’ll dust up and act like nothing is wrong … But just for me to end my long epistle..
      I think the scale is balanced… Toke must have been hurt pretty much but how many men out there that are hurt would sit up to produce a book on it …

      Amazing post you’ve got!


      1. labakeany says:

        Thank you stalker. Maybe “men” would start voicing out in order to redeem theirselves.


    2. Deolu says:

      Nice post……welldone


    3. Ndukweagwu says:

      Have not read the book but from Wat who wrote I just feel that most women about 25 are so desperate for marriage that they usually end up with the wrong person. So you are single, good to know lol


      1. labakeany says:

        Yes and that’s because of the African mentality being passed. But really why should a wrong person as you say do a woman wrong. Relationship should not be by force . Thanks Ndukweagwu


    4. Ada says:

      Well for me I just feel toke was right in letting out her emotions and expressions through that book. I enjoyed the book but I felt she got it all wrong by staying in that relationship having seen that make was not a man at all


      1. labakeany says:

        Thanks girl, but you know it’s easier said than done but hers was deep tho. I also enjoyed the book, it is a nice one.


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